Blahblahblah's blog: "i loved him first."

you want me to take that life and lock it in a box.throw away the key and act like HE was all made up.dont say his name, pretend he wasnt real.act just fine, while i sowly die inside.I sure could use a little more love today.I woke up this morning crying all alone again.His picture hidden in a drawer,no pictures on my phone.I bet you wish i never love before you.but thats not true and this isnt right for you to do.just because i love him once doesnt mean i cant love you.Our life matters now as mine with his once did.this isnt fair, all the hurtfull things youve saidtheres a few old post way back on my page.that shows the love he had for me was strong. you could see it on his facebut in day to day life you expect me to move on.you call me ROE more then you call me my own name.I never do that to you, its not fair our story's not the same.you think i love him more because the scar from losing him still bleeds.but i cry alone cause you dont understand a thing.I loved him first.but he was taken away from me so fast.I moved on and that life is in the past.I just want you to let me heal in my own time. But you rushed it and i hate you for it with every tear i cry.so im writing this to let you know,I will no longer act like he was always a ghost.I will say his name. and i will hang his pix.Because he mattered and he helped me become who i am.And i wont hide it in shame like our love was something sick.ad if you dont like it, thats your own problem to deal with.So if this is how you want to leave things.Tell me now while i can still willing walk away.I rather keep his memory alive,then stay here one more second living this fucking lie.Your cold and hard and this isnt what love is.Your lack of respect for my past has left me feeling empty towards you.This isnt fair because all i did was love once before you.So with this all out in the open now, maybe you finally understand.that past is the past but it was only he who died. my heart is still broken and im still morning in side.Im here and im alive and this isnt the life i want. to lay in bed every night wanting death to come.You robbed me of my healing and i just want you gone.How ever this plays out, ill be better in the long run.so now i saw goodbye to you, feeling better then i ever have. Because now the weight is lifted and i can finally be strong.If this is the love you have for me then you can just keep it.I rather die alone with His picture then spend another year like this.